It's been awhile since I was here. I'm feeling bored and lazy, yep, so I'm here. Ok, I'm supposed to read up on my notes and get my assignment done but... oh well... Anyway, I'd probably read it up later. I'm currently at a lost. One reason that I'm always not here writing. Life is being mundane though. Only get to knock off at 6ish 7 for work on weekdays, and what's worst is I still gotta attend lesson and photoshoots after work and on weekends. Oh No, I'm not complaining, I'm just being grumpy though. My boyfriend's being grumpy too. lol. Zhi Hao has booked a room at MBS for Cat's birthday celebrations tmr. Sweet huh? The flowers that boyfriend gave me on Valentine's Day has already dried up, but still, i did pluck a few petals out and leave it in between my books. Oh ya, the incident on Valentine's Day had kinda made me blush much. He delivered flowers to my office and colleagues were like complimenting on it. Since the topic is on him, I think I have things that I wanna let out. I did almost give up on him. Was already on the verge, but till now I'm still holding on. Guess that's what most people phrase it as 'Love overcomes at almost all times'. Though I'm still procrastinating but sigh~ we've been through quite a lot of things over the past one year. I am so not looking forward to the coming week and coming month. I hate March, like seriously detest March, no offence to anyone, its just for my liking. March is always damn draggy. Back to work tmr :( I am still fucking tired despite sleeping for so many hours. Guess I'm gonna sleep soon. :)

Hey!!!! I realised I haven't been here for quite some time huh. Am back for a short post. Sigh~~~

I've been so busy recently. I've got my current job, which I'm leaving end of this year, I've gotta go for photoshoots for Jazreel, I've got event works to do but I failed to turn up last sunday 'cos something urgent cropped up, I've promised the boy to go help pack some candies during my free time, I've promised some friends that I'd go shopping with them but I'm trying to find time, Sorry Pat, Sorry Victor (i've just turn him down today and I felt bad), Sorry Denny. meeting up with colleagues for MBS Hugo Boss and Victoria Secrets shopping tomorrow, am in the midst of looking for a present for the boy and am still figuring how to do a very special card for him, gonna meet up with classmates next week and shu xian and liang qi and and and I'm gonna have an early mini x'mas gathering with family on sat 'cos they're leaving for some other places during x'mas, but too bad the boy might not be able to turn up. It's gonna be a super tiring, long, and bad dec this year. I gotta go shop for x'mas presents already! I realised I'm totally screwed, I'm so stress up and it's amazing how some mistakes I've made, its rather silly and stupid and unlogical. I want my letter to be returned back to me, else everyday will be a bad day for me! I need news from that letter! I need that letter to be back to me!!!!! Fatigue is kicking in :(

I feel so lazy to blog, but I've got nothing to do now. It has been a week for relaxation but my legs are kinda tiring though. I've tendered my resignation on Friday, had a long talk with my boss and he returned my resignation letter to me. Told him about my study plans and he asked me to take 1 year's study leave and call him when I get my diploma.

Boss: if you ever wanna come back in this line, call me anytime, we'll welcome you back anytime, no matter what put our company as first choice.

Me: Okay, but what if I wish to join another company after getting my diploma?

Boss: den I've got no choice, I can't force you either.

Well... he is super nice. He asked me to stay till end of Dec for him and join the company's x'mas party. Was kinda relieved after that talk with him. Went over to the shop after work on friday and continued working. Packed NON-STOP! My legs and hands were tired! Aunty Jean keep asking me to work part time for them LMAO! and I've got a message from Boss again, telling me i'm a good litigation secretary and make sure i give him a call after my dip bla bla bla.... I don't even know how to reply. Spent my Saturday with the boy, bot lotsa junk food and slacked at home. I freaking woke up at 5.30am this morning. Unbelievable! Met Hui Min and down to Taman Jurong for events. That's friggin. early can! Event today was a little boring but tiring :( I'm looking forward to the next event! We're gonna wear Santarina Costumes! Fuckyeah!!!! :)

Bye! Back to work tomorrow :( Thank God it's only a four day work week :)

To the one and only someone:

who calls me darling and be your little baby when I want to;

and calls me darling infront of all his friends;

who remember the tiniest little things that I've said;

who tries to get me everything that I want;

who let me wear your clothes when I've got no clothes at your place;

who would wrestle and fight with me;

hug me when I'm not fine;

filled my face with kisses;

who tells me everything;

tried to pamper, entertain and tolerate me even when you're tired;

who sings to me every now and then;

who calls me in the middle of the night to say 'I miss you'.;

who tried to cook for me even when you suck at it;

who could actually break my heart, leave me alone but would never dream of doing it; and much more to mention.

Remember this day of last year? I do you do, 'cos you even remembered our love drink. Toffee Nut Latte! which is back at starbucks now for the x'mas period. :) It's been a year, but it seems like it was just yesterday. The memory is still so vivid in my mind. I sincerely thank you for everything. I thank you for asking me to add you on fb, else we wouldnt have today. MIC has done quite a bit. :p It's 4 November 2010 already! I miss the boy! I miss the times even when we werent tgt yet. :)

Is it our anniversary? I dono! We don't even have an official date! but we do remember 4 November 2009. haha! I love Bryan Ong! for everything!

Friends . Forever . ? True?! It just tells you that you'll have friends in your life, for the whole of your life, but just different friends. 'Cos they come and they go. The old ones will go, and the new ones will come... Even if someday if we get back in touch with the old ones, they'll still go, no matter wat... 'cos each and everyone of us have got our own stuffs to do, everyone of us would have to move on and start searching for their future. Friends forever? of cos its true isnt it? :) it just depends how is your point of view and how you intend to keep it. Let bygones be bygones. There's no use holding on if that particular person just wishes to leave and there's no use bearing grudges, it pointless to be revengeful either. So what even if you succeed in revenging or bearing grudges? you wouldn't be happy too. Oh yes, probably for awhile but its not something that you feel that you have achieved and it's not something that you should be proud of too. I've let go, I felt better, I've brought up my courage to turn up infront of someone I used to detest, I've started a conversation with someone that I used to not like. It seems like it's the best thing that i've ever did for myself. That was to let go.

I'm suddenly missing quite a number of people and things. I wish we were still like how we used to be. But it seems like you've changed quite a bit. I've not talked much to you but I can see that you've enjoyed. I don't really mind, as long as you're happy :) Even if you're not now, I hope that you will be, 'cos it's gonna be the best thing ever. But I realised you don't seemed as innocent anymore, thats okay :) at least you've got to know whats going on around you and stay alert.

But of all, I miss the boy the most! I wonder why. It's not like as if i've not seen him for months. MIC Production Kitchen's gonna be up in 2 weeks' time. It's gonna be the last saturday for us next week, all the way till x'mas. He's gonna be busy, we're gonna be spending lesser time together. Can we pull through. I hope we will! I've talked to you for quite a bit last night. I ain't complaining. I'm just fed up at times. At times when I really felt lonely. I know I could look up for you as and when I want, but sometimes that's not how I want us to spend our time together. But yea, we've got no choice. Let's work hard for a good few years, say 4, or 5? Maybe den... we would be happier. I can't help but whine and just throw tantrums when I miss you. Am glad that you do tolerate me though :) I love my boy, and yes, I do appreciate whatever you did.

I miss the boy, I don't know how and why 'cos I just saw him yesterday but yes I'm missing him now. I'm getting busier in the office and files are stacking like no body's business, it's stacking like there're always a tomorrow. I have difficulty leaving this job! I guess my tomorrow's are disappearing soon. I'm soon gonna be a corpse in the office. After a long day of work, how good would it be if I could just get a kiss from the boy and fall into the arms his . I was able to do that yesterday but not today :( I'm not seeing him today. Dropped by the shop yesterday 'cos mom didnt cook. went over to look for the boy for dinner. He treated me Sogurt! NICE!!!!! and COLD!!!!! I miss it now :) But I miss the boy more. How I wish I could have him tonight to hug and sleep. :'( Liting and I planned for Halloween party! Everyone's gonna gather at 9pm to make up and dress up! Hooray!!!! Halloween!!!! Lets dress up and PARTY!!!! I wan masquerade masks!!!!! got me falling in love again :)))

Sigh!!! It has been a rather tough week for me. System was down since Monday night. When I was about to go to sleep on Monday night, I was already laying on the bed, i felt shivers. Serious shivers, went out of my room to get a glass of warm water, it didnt work, the shivers continues, bit onto my own hands to stop the shivers but still, it doesnt go away, it went on for about more an half hour and i started throwing up. I thought I was going to die, like seriously my hands turned purple. The shivers stopped after I threw up but my fever came. The boy wanted to come and bring me to the doctor but I didnt wanna let my mom know so we kept mum. Went to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling ok, wanted to go to work but the boy didnt allow me to so headed to his house. He prepared breakfast for me, and my fever came again, so went to the GP, slept for awhile at his place and went home. Threw up again at night and fever still didnt subside till Wednesday, went down to the GP again. Freaking 39.1 and I don't really feel anything. I only know I was feeling damn uncomfortable. Only totally recovered on Friday morning. Went down to MIC and hang out, a new SOGURT stall is FINALLY open. weird name they have, but the concept's not bad. Kian drove us to Turf City to have dinner. Sumptuous Dinner I must emphazise. And that dinner really got me there, didnt really cared about my gastric, and just eat. caught the LIVE seafood from the Unique Market, and went into Owen restaurant. Had Oyster with cheese, Raw Oyster, KING Scallop with garlic, (and its really big), Chilli Crab and Steamed fish. OH YA! and Drunken Prawns, the prawns are SUPER fresh and sweet. OMG!!!!! I miss the food there now. Too bad, I was too entertained and engrossed I forgot to take pictures! I must say that dinner was REALLY good, but the place aint convenient at all. Had another sumptuous dinner yesterday too! the boy's mom cooked. And we had a 'romantic' walk in the pouring rain yesterday. The scene was super funny, but I love it.

I MISS CLUBBING WITH RACHEL!!!!!!

Oh Dear!!! The weather sucks big time! I'm having a terrible headache! I was happy on Friday! I get to knock off early 'cos boss wasnt around and only Diana has the keys so she has to lock up the office. Downed to Novena with Kimberly to get Gongcha! It sucks! I found a strand of hair in it :( Ended up throwing the whole cup away. Rachel called me while I was waiting for gongcha and commanded me to get the shop before she leaves. BUT!!! she left before i even get there! She was rushing to meet her friend, and she got scolded by me. haha. Helped them pack candy, they're getting super busy recently. Gonna start up a new production kitchen soon, hopefully before x'mas so that they'll have more space and pots to rush for x'mas candies. kinda heartache seeing the boy working so hard just bcos he wants me to have a good life in future, but I miss him a lot. So after shop closes, Wayne drove us to Batok to get train, which was a faster way, ended up the boy and I dropped off at Choa Chu Kang to have beancurd. Lol! I love supper with him! :) He get to have an off day on saturday, and he came to my place and woke me up at 9am just to go for breakfast. Wanted to bring mom along too but she didnt wanna go so we went ahead ourselves and da pao back for her. Backed home after breakfast, showered and headed out again. shopped and caught the child's eye. Aint very nice though. The dog's damn cute. :) homed at 12+ am and I was really super duper tired. It's even worst than going clubbing. knocked out straight once I lay on the bed all the way till 12+ pm today and I practically just spent my whole day sleeping. I'm just TIRED! I've gotta work again tomorrow!!! :'(

I wanna quit my job! I know i've been mentioning this for so many freaking times on twitter but lemme rant please! I'm actually hesitating should I or not but I'll definitely not leave now else i'll miss my bonus, but seriously I don't wanna be stuck in the office anymore. I feel kinda suffocated in there at times. However, there were still times whereby like today, I've actually thought of not leaving. I know I'm fickle, i know it sounds contradicting. One of the reasons I'm hesitating 'cos I'm starting school next year, and if I were to join events, I'm afraid it'll clash with my studies. And yet again if I don't leave, I'll be bored to death! I'm still thinking... considering... hesitating.... messing up my own mind. oh wells.... I miss Rachel! I wanna go Zirca! Charlotte asks if I wanna do part time events, I want! But how to? I've got a full time job which I can't leave now. Events are fun, I just hate it when I have to get there with FULL make up done! It's a hassle!

I'm being a good girl now! Have been coming home for dinner almost everynight this week. Mom asked the boy to come for dinner tmr, but he's busy :( He says he'll bring parents out for dinner next time :( SO LOUSY!

Hello!!! I am soooo sooo sooo tired! I just got home!!! over to powerhouse ystdy! the Q was insane, Queued for almost half an hour, met up with Aaron, Nuraini and Iqbal, they headed in first 'cos aaron has a friend in there. After awhile Aaron told me they're heading over to Rebel, 'cos powerhouse was really packed! So like, Rachel, Kai, the boy and I were outside hesitating to get outta Q and get to Boilers. Ended up in Boilers, pooled for a little,Rachel and I disappeared to the dance floor 'cos we were kinda bored. well, it was my idea. met up with Mingfeng and Charlotte, almost got into a fight outside boilers with some random guys, ok. shall skip that, quite a long story, backed into Boilers and got some drinks, left the guys there and we girls headed in to Movida and Dragonfly 'cos we've got free entry! Dragonfly music is cool!!!! but the people in there aint so cool. I wasnt as high as I was usually, didnt had enough vodka :( Dance for a bit, back to Boilers and Rachel headed home at around 3 'cos she has a curfew. Chat and bitch around with Charlotte while the guys pooled. To the dance floor with Kai and he was SUPER high. stayed there till 4 when they were about to close and downed to MAC! I LIKE FAST CAR!!! Mingfeng was speeding throughout! Damn shiok! the guys chased after a group of ah bengs who had LL face and banged onto the cab's window 'cos the ah bengs were too coward and just hopped into a cab. TOO BAD the cab has to stop at the traffic light! Bad luck to them :) That was a scene, but it was nice!!! :p Back to the boy's house after mac to sleep. Slept only at 7am and got up at 1pm! Out for lunch and now I'm FINALLY home! I'm soooo tired! Back to square one again tmr! It's a MONDAY again! :( Hate weekdays! Partying Partying and Partying! We have free entry to Zouk, Zirca, Rebel, Future and anywhere at St James with Charlotte around now!!!! Cool!!!! :)

ooops! this place feels so weird out of a sudden. I hate this place! Woots! I'm going Powerhouse tmr! Haven been there since I forgot when. I'm feeling like shit now! SERIOUS! why am I so insignificant to everyone? it's like.... Sigh... I'm speecheless.

Had a great great weekend! Was on leave on Friday! The boy made Aglio Olio for me! :) Grocery shopping was tiring but fun! Met Apple and Gerald ystdy for dinner at Ashton. Was a great dinner! Burst out laughing at the table next us. That boy was damn funny. And we took NEOPRINTS!!! LOL!!!! Left them for novena, Rachel called from the boy's phone commanding me to reach there by 5mins, anw I was alrdy at novena when she called. To the shop, sent Zhi hao home to change, down to Renn Thai for dinner with MIC peeps, Rachel, Liting and Denise. Kian left after dinner for his gf's grandpa's wake, Ryan left to get car but never came back LOL. so we headed to Zirca, and Rebel like right next to Zirca. Charlotte joined us. Had Italian shots, it tastes damn good! I prefer Rebel's songs but I prefer Zirca's atmosphere. Rebel is so damnb crowded, there's this fucking sotong guy who literally leaned onto me and the boy shoved him away. Wayne kept holding onto me cos Rebel's clubbers were like all crazy, drunk and super pushy. Apprently they don't even know what are they doing and where are they walking to. Danced at Rebel for like an hour and back to Zirca. The guys left Rachel, Charlotte and I for smoke so we continued dancing and got picked up by like a few ang mohs! One of the Caucasian guy who talked to me was so damn hot can! but yea, Rachel pushed him away for me cos he was damn cheeky. changed dancing spot but still got picked up so yea, fuck them, i continued brushing against Rachel and Charlotte. I love them ttm!!! I love clubbing with MIC peeps! Seriously speaking I haven had so much fun in like a zillion years, I really enjoyed last night! But the worst thing was... Rachel reminded me that we forgot to take pictures!

Finally got the pictures from kian and the files are real huge!
I feel super worn out! It's only Tuesday today. Unbelievable.

I swear I'm gonna sleep at 11pm tonight!

Phew! Have been rather busy these few days! Finally am able to stay home whole day today! Past few days were like, hospital, party, shopping, and changing of hp!

X Party with MIC guys on friday night was fun! Didnt know the theme was white, all of them wore black cept for me, i didnt know too, its just a coincidence. Didnt want them to draw on my shirt so borrowed Zhi Hao's jacket! Pictures are with Kian!!! And!!!! I lost my hp! DAMN!!! so called to suspend my line and I got a new hp ystdy! Shopped for the boy's clothes ystdy! My legs were wobbly. I HATE SHOPPING!!! especially when I'm shopping aimlessly. Can Singapore have some interesting places for us to go instead of shopping? Irritating!

Taken by Scarlett at Bintan! I miss her...:(
Should I add more words? Wayne and the boy is sponsoring know? Should I should I? Just did a one liner the other time cos I was afraid of the pain. Regretted not inking the 3 liners. But if I were to expand my ink now I think mom would definitely scream my head off me. Had a telling off by her the other time for just 2 words, can't imagine how would she react this time. But I have the urge to! Shall play by ear den...

The poor boy's been so busy... :(

BBQ after fishing! Something more entertaining!

My best candid shot of him! LOL!

My first fishing experience, and I bet it'll be my last, I almost fell asleep!

That's my supper he made for the night! Glad I don't stay over very often, else I'd grow fat!

Had fun at the BBQ last nite, and I'm glad the boy was willing to keep me company and even socialise with them. Had small chats with Liang qi, Shu Xian and the boy, I need more chats! But without the boy please! I ought to make a decision.

I am still craving for TCC's seafood Aglio Olio!!! Though I've alrdy had it on friday with Liang Qi.

Oh and ya! Carnivore is super meaty, I'm kinda afraid of meat now. :p

I've gotta go back to work tmr! After having a holiday of 4 days which I've been waking up at like 1pm in the afternoon for most of the days and out for almost every night cept for this morning. Stayed over at the boy's place last night and he said I sleep talked! I knew I did, and I knew he woke up and look at me, but i was just too tired to get up. Lol! Guess everyone knows I sleep talk. And I was amazed 'cos I could even fall asleep when he was actually snoring beside me.

I hurt my back quite badly this morning due to the fall, and it's super painful now. The saddest thing is that I'm not able to wear my heels tmr!

Cat, Zh and I fooled everyone at MIC with "askjud.com". Wayne is super dumb and naive can! He actually believed that website. He even argued with me when I hinted to him it's the method of typing. hahaha!

Sigh.... And I am of a mixed feelings now, I'm frustrated, confused, fickle and many more. I don't know should I let go or hold on. But how long more can I hold on to? He's the one I love a lot but not the one I wanna get marrried to. I can't bear to let go of him now just 'cos of selfish reasons. Yet i don't wanna be wasting his time, yet he said stay as long as I want to 'cos he's not gonna let go till the day I do. Ain't he making me feel worse? And my mom's giving me a hard time now. I really need some solutions, I need some advise, I need a listening ear, I need another shoulder to cry on instead of his, I need some serious/small chats. I needa make a decision like seriously!

I am flawed, I made mistakes. I've made huge mistakes I couldn't forgive myself. The choices I made. Defined the rest of my days. I am judged. I've been stupefyingly wrong. It was pathetic. my own inadequencies. What happened. They get me down when the night falls. I'm still pretty sore about it.

you wonder what happened. You're thinking. Then, you assume. But no, you don't know my story. I'm grateful to my mom and the boy. I'm sorry. But I'm really grateful. I do appreciate. I love you both.

I'm a sinner now.

Oh Edward Aloysius! I miss you! I really do miss you though I screamed at you and teared when you called today. EIGHT months! EIGHT freaking months that we've not contacted, great to know that you still do care. Really had a nice chat with you. Yes, I know you broke my heart, but I ain't complaining 'cos you were my perfect boyfriend, and yes you'll always be but not to me anymore. Even though I'm attached now but I'd occasionally think about us in the past. You were the boyfriend who knows how to treat your girl right 'cos you're flirt and you've had more than enough contact with dozens of girls. I know. I knew it! Funny thing is I didn't mind then. Girls would wanna be with you, but then again, you're good at breaking their hearts too. I willingly stupidly allowed you to do so. Even now, I'm taking a risk too. Boyfriend ain't any better than you in the past. He has changed now I realised though, yet I'm the one who's starting to play around. I've started to learn things the hard way. Thanks to you. I've grown. But I haven't learn how to let go easily since you. I'm looking for my old self who was actually able to let go easily without having second thoughts. But not anymore. I've had several attempts whereby I really wanted to let go of the current one, but I wasn't able to do so. Something's stopping me, something's pulling me back, I wonder what. I do still look back, and that caused quarrels at times 'cos I tend to compare, I know I shouldn't but I still do. I missed the past, I missed how nice you were, I missed both the good and the bad, but yes, it's already the past. There's no way we could turn back the clock. I'm glad I'm kinda happy in this relationship, he's treating me good, I'm getting more than enough attention, hopefully I didn't make the wrong choice. Thanks for reminding me to treasure what I have now. The happiest thing is I'm glad we're friends once more.

Cancer sticks, I'm sorry I've picked you up today. I know I've quit, but y'know? I'm super troubled. I've gotta stay calm and compose yet I'm not. What to do? I'm not strong enough.

The capability of certain people to judge someone they think they know never fails to amaze me. They say things to bring you down and to make you feel that you're nothing but trash. Don't they already know what meets the eye is the most untrustworthy thing around to judge upon? Well... I guess people never learn!

When I was back in school, all kinds of dramas were being served on a platter ready for me, I didnt have a choice but to take on what came my way. It pretty much involved hatred, for no good reason, backstabbing and bf stealings. Oh so typical no?
When I thing about it now that the drama phase had already worn out, only one word would describe it, s-t-u-p-i-d, being immature and childish definitely had me learning things the hard way.
Dealing with ultimate mean girls taught me how to grow up and note: you might even be in a fight with someone years older than you but never expect anything from them, they'll bite your head off.
It's been years now and I've grown so much, if I had a chance to do it again, I'd have done it better, but people do things that they'll regret. However, from that, we remember, we learn, we avoid. One day, when you finally feel good about yourself, you'll back and see how pointless things are.